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apathy; disharmony: love is attention

my sister and her partner have been together now for some eight years, which was a surprise to me. time flies when you’re drifting and directed by the winds.

their son just turned three. they took a full five years to have their first, and likely only child. they’re both forty now, so it makes sense in a certain light. they lead a full, active life.

their paths first crossed in high school, and they were aware of each other, but were of different crowds. who could imagine they’d meet again some fifteen years later to build a life together? it’s fascinating.

i learned only in the past month that back in the day, her guy used to frequent my cafe — that ridiculously overwhelming failure of an idea, that at nineteen, nearly ended me. still, the regulars, some of which i had long, personal conversations with, made an impression; when you’re stationary, they can sit and have an audience. you never know when you might be a safe place for someone that needs it.

life can, and will, kick us in the teeth. i relate this story as a perspective to what i see in most other people, in their thirties and up. being single, of course, those around me tend to be the same. there are a lot of weary souls, myself included.

we like to use the phrase “oh, i don’t really care about that anymore…” and, it of course, isn’t really true, is it?

what is true, is you tend to pick your battles more selectively, and give up on the things that consistently bring pain, frustration, or disappointment (which tend to be matters of the heart) — though saying we don’t give a fuck is a convenient salve, and nothing more; there’s a fine line between apathy, and neutrality.

they don’t teach emotional intelligence… anywhere. industry doesn’t require it. money, reputation, a car, property, stability, security, name brand underwear and all the wonderful stuff… we’re always talking about that shit.

but romance? that’s cheesy. poetry, theater, music, art, why should i pay for that? have you not noticed that the Marvel universe is poetry? it’s grand theatrics, epic music, massively emotional and primal in heroics.

we can’t ever escape our inherent storytelling. it’s in our DNA. shutting down aspects of our intrinsic energy and creative expression (love) harms us all.

we’ll never fix all of this brokenness, but that’s the point; it’s an integral part of the journey. it’s part of the human experience. it’s how we define, and redefine, and redefine again our relationship to ourselves, to the collective, and to the universe.

and, it passes so very quickly.

be open. be curious. be willing to keep falling in love. be willing to keep falling on your face. be sure that you will be surprised, time and again, tomorrow, and tomorrow.

solvitur ambulando

© 2018 Trance Blackman

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Published in Journal Entries