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courage, fire, and the ashes of shame

for a long time, i was under the impression that i wouldn’t ever feel worthy of a worthy partner in life, if i didn’t make something of myself. to this day, i still don’t quite know what that means, but i know where it came from. we all have some of these weeds in our garden, yeah? what i also know, is that it’s a crippling, spiritual and emotional prison of an idea. i am happy to have burned off a lot of that imbalance, but the scars of shame can run deep, and take time to fully heal.

when we live with these self-professed, and self-perpetuated, egoic mission statements, we don’t consider the broader implications. adopted along with the heaviness, and endless inward competition, is tremendous pressure, most often manifesting itself as depression (or apathy, indecision, stagnation, frustration, anxiety). of course, it spills over into all aspects of our lives. one way or another, we will eventually have to see the discontinuity and deception we’ve put ourselves through.

we live in a culture that glorifies the hero, the champion, the self-sacrificing, and the victors – but also the villains, the hoarders, the psychopaths, and the vicious. thus, we tend to internalize this polarization, and it leaves vast expanses of emptiness in its wake – and countless souls are left disillusioned, because with such an incredibly narrow margin of parameters for belonging in a society, where are the rest to fit in? these archaic constructs are well past their due date.

we identify tremendously with those who came before, and even more so with those responsible for bringing us here, now. our closest bonds and deepest influences can be from immediate family, but teachers, coaches, relatives, mentors, friends, found family and often strangers can be much more powerful catalysts along the journey. life is an incredibly dynamic symphony.

P1060034-13but when we finally make that perilous trek back to center, our inherent, infallible truth shines a blinding light on anything we’ve been trying to hide. to step into our authenticity and uniqueness, requires a wholesale examination of our wardrobe. suddenly, there are holes everywhere. there are rips, lose threads, stains, and wrong fits. guilt, shame, and self-reproach have no choice but to expose the most sensitive of places, shaking us to the core. the medicine is bitter as hell, but we’re tough, so we’ll take it without water. we must…save…face!

heaven forbid we should be in a relationship during these times of spiritual (r)evolution. the force behind the upheaval doesn’t spare anyone. it’s energy that persists out-of-time and doesn’t care of our pleasantries, nor our bullshit, once we choose to engage it. sure, sometimes, we’re fortunate to have someone who is ready, at the same time, and sees the same boat. they are as terrified as we are, but their smile is just as wicked as ours. these are blessed, beautiful synchronicities afforded to the bold, but they are rare.

it makes the magic no less relevant, no less important, be it singular or shared. if it is to resolve and lead us toward a partnership (or, the renewal of one), it will be one of a higher dimension and enlightened expression, more attuned and more pure than that which could have existed before. so, we have to remember there is a natural timing to this all, in this place, in this here, now.

P1000441too often, we look at the fire and see only destruction. i have always seen it as a natural, unapologetic state of renewal, of recycling energy, of reformation. we just get in the way and try to bend it to our will. no chance. in nature, as soon as a forest fire has passed, flora and fauna immediately engage and embrace the newness with unfettered resolve. life is here, always. life is change, always.

life, is. you, are more.

love your life,
tb

“the dream” – a rough ol’ demo mix, but fitting

© 2016 Trance Blackman

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