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groundhog daze

how much do you genuinely give from your heart? are you living your truth, expressing and sharing and utilizing your gifts? do you act out of obligation, or inspiration? and, do you charge or expect recompense for your services?

i use my music, blogs/writings/rants, photography, and video work to observe, inform, uplift, teach, learn and awaken. but is it enough? how do you quantify or qualify it? why is everything about metrics and comparison?

i don’t imagine the universe to care much about transactional nonsense – as in the more you give, from your heart, with no expectations – and ideas of that ilk.

i don’t make a living at all on the few pennies here and there from music streams or micro-licenses. i’ve only ever sold a few prints of my photos. the stock photo market provides a few more pennies… i despise the idea of paid promotion. it feels yuck enough to post links and shares with “hey, check this out, please?” shit.

these days, i survive by sporadic work from corporate clients, selling off my belongings, or occasionally borrowing from family. i’ve had a few jobs, but they get old fast, and never pay enough. it is certainly humbling. i’m no hustler and the idea of pounding the pavement and drumming up clients, over and over again, tastes awful.

what’s my point? well, one is that this world doesn’t support the minimalist artist, or those who try to buck the system, as it were. and why should it, i guess? regardless of how small i live, how little i waste, how considerate or kind or consciously i go about my life, it only gets more stifling…and lonely, ’cause no woman wants a guy who may be moral, and ethical, but broke, right? ha ha.

these are obviously just elements of my story, beliefs i still carry around, and really, lies and excuses and coping mechanisms. but, i know i am not alone in this kind of struggle with social constructs, our strange idea of economy, and persistent interpersonal isolationism.

we all suffer to some degree of the market system virus, and consumerism. sure, we can unplug, live off the land or squat somewhere, but that seems oddly depressing, and life suppressing. maybe i’m wrong… and good luck getting out of the country, or into another one.

we have governments who will spend trillions of dollars on armed forces and wars and secret programs, rather than install basic monthly income for its citizens, and other easily affordable universal services. this is beyond injustice, but i get the general idea of the psychopathy that devised it.

it is upon us, now, to transcend it, rebuild it, and replace it. we have the solutions, but we’re terrified of crashing the ways that were during the period of transition. we’re worried about patents and payouts and being murdered and trusting ourselves and each other. we’re not sure if we’re ready, or at a high enough level of consciousness to truly progress out of the mire.

well, let’s all keep whining about it then. that seems to be working. insert winking smiley face.

you and i are here for a reason. a perfect reason. let’s see what we’re truly capable of.

and, make sure to watch again what’s obviously your favorite Bill Murray movie.

solvitur ambulando

© 2018 Trance Blackman

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Published in Journal Entries