i’ve never been a confident man.
i’m sure there’s some elaborate formula that would shed light on the hows and whys: this gene, coupled with that circumstance, those parents, that culture, those schools, those books, that trauma, that success, these friends, those choices, those actions, and that value… multiplied by this belief and that evidence, equals this man?
or, maybe it’s more interesting in the esoteric arena: this spiritual individuation, upon agreements with those, would this time experience and explore these human ideas.
this time “he” will play “son” and “brother”. he will be a musician, very shy, emotional and sensitive, intuitive and psychic, if he chooses to develop the skill. most anything he chooses to pursue will come easily and naturally to him, which will prove paralyzing as much as it is liberating.
he will see all the hurt, pain, and violence in the world, not being able to reconcile nor comprehend it, even if he understands the underlying principles and energies and reasons.
later in life, he will come to know why relationships always failed, and why he loved for the right reasons, in the wrong way, with the wrong partners. he will piece together what “mother” and “father” were exploring, and the emptiness it left in him.
there’s no blame to be laid, only deeper understanding.
and, as he grows in understanding, returning time and again to simplicity and truth and again finding his natural tempo, he will shed the weight of maligned energies and ambivalence. he remembers that nothing that is real of him can ever come to any harm.
oddly, he will enjoy speaking of himself in the third person, publicly, as “social media” evolves to primarily connect humanity, quite superficially, and commercially, but also to set a foundation for what’s next.
. . .
truly, it is by default i always strive for harmony and betterment for us all. it is by default i look for the good in every person, in every circumstance – and it has caused me a world of pain throughout my life. and, i’ve certainly, foolishly, misdirected and projected it toward unprepared, and undeserving counterparts… never mind the vicious internal dialogues.
know that every one of us is struggling with something, whether inside our out.
you are not alone. you matter. you are ok. you are loved.
love your life