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this old skin

do we have to be rid of our demons before we can live a full life?

the self-help, personal growth, “new” thought, awakening arena is primarily based on the premise there is something wrong with us. we’re taught from before we can reason and discern words and meanings until the day we expire that something is missing, awry, maligned, or just, plain, broken.

i wrestle with my own assortment of shadows and learned, adopted, misappropriated or borrowed ideas and beliefs. somehow, they took hold somewhere deep and managed to sustain themselves through infrequent feeding on the bile of my frustrations and confusions with life and the people in it.

underneath it all, i have always been driven to better the human condition, including my self. music and the words that channel through are apparently my mediums, along with elements of imagery and an openness to the grand unraveling of things as perceived by our silly little minds. it’s always been about feeling through it, and words have always been nearly enough, but never, really enough. still, maybe the next song and the next page and the next pen and the next post will clear something up…

but i wonder, since we can never, ever, really ever get it done (in one lifetime, or one hundred thousand), should we be so damn concerned with “fixing” everything?

where we are now, as a culture, as a society, in the Wacky West, and beyond, is fairly fucked up. there’s no doubt. it is both infuriating and liberating just how exotically and extremely we live across the entire scope and spectrum of what it can mean to be human.

every size and shape, colour, disposition, constitution, motivation, intelligence quotient and emotional tangent is covered by someone. so amazing. so terrifying. so…perfect.

there is no makeup that covers up heart wounds. nor should there be. betrayal, and the like, cut so deep it never quite goes away. but, self-betrayal? self-denial? self-loathing? well they, if anything, can at least be alleviated with awareness, living in authenticity, and regular spiritual upheaval. embrace the effects of the red pill!

we can be quite adept at transference, transmutation, and trophy making. but life, i think, wants us to be the more that lies beyond the lies we like to perpetuate.

so, it’s not simply “feel the fear, and do it anyway”. it’s feel the fear, and know it’s ok to be afraid. but do it because you had the inspired notion to try something challenging, uncomfortable, and potentially beautiful beyond what that fear might keep you from knowing.

and all knowing, is readily available.

when we’re ready.

solvitur ambulando

© 2016 Trance Blackman

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Published in Journal Entries