Long before we question what we want, we’re taught what to want, who to admire, and what to fear so we won’t be cast out of the herd. Most never notice when that bargain is made, or what it costs. This reflection is about the moment the noise becomes unbearable, borrowed desires grow heavy, and the suspicion arises that freedom may require letting go of far more than we were ever told.
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Inspired by:
Perhaps some music while reading:
There’s nothing new about this concept. I’ve written and spoken about it in many ways over the years. This isn’t a surprise, as most anything we “conscious activists” offer is first and foremost a note to self, even if we’re sharing it with an audience we hope will benefit from it along the way.
For me, I’ve never really had much interest in the trappings of the modern world, and the aspirations of the many have generally bored me. I’ve tried on the wardrobe at times, adopting some transient meaning around certain material gains and objects of desire, but they’ve always faded when I’m left to my own devices — in quiet spaces, moving on and away from the conditions and environments that influenced my opinions and values. I think we all have a default set of true priorities and values once we’re finally able to break the pattern of adhering to anyone else’s ideas, opinions, beliefs, and overriding influence. Some, perhaps most, will never get to that place in this life.
Why? Shame.
It’s a singular idea that takes on many shapes, and it hampers and hinders the vast majority of society because people never notice its influence, intrusion, disruption, and weight on our hearts and minds. It’s a false, superficial emotion that persists across time and civilization, and today it’s deeply ingrained in our media, marketing, educational systems, government — everything. If we don’t conform, comply, adopt beliefs, get along, make nice, or “be kind,” tolerating and accommodating increasing degeneracy and corruption of character, we’re unconsciously terrified of being separated from the crowd, the tribe, the family, the club. And being alone, in a truly animal sense, means death.
I’ve never cared about any particular models of cars or trucks, but freedom meant having something reliable that could get me around safely — ideally without parts falling off or making unruly noises that disturb others wherever I go. It’s the same mindset with shoes, pants, shirts, sweaters, jackets. I buy new things sometimes, and if they suit me, I’ll wear them until they’re threadbare — soles worn out, knees torn through, collars coming apart — or until another round of Shoe Goo simply can’t help anymore. Many things go to the thrift store or are given away, especially if they’ve been hanging around for too long without getting any use. It’s a common practice for one who moves frequently. Simplify and minimize.
Where I have run into difficulty is in living arrangements. Naturally, in a society where we’re conditioned to believe that separating from family and our roots — moving out into the world on our own — is an honorable and essential part of defining ourselves and our capabilities, and of affirming our resilience, independence, self-reliance, and individuality, you’re a failure otherwise, by Western standards. Traditional families, native tribes, some Asian cultures, and the deeply religious would likely disagree with this sentiment entirely. Multi-generational homes and homesteads seem as if they’d be far more stable, self-reliant, resilient, and sustainable than what we’ve prioritized in the rapidly collapsing West. It comes down to the ties that bind, and the glue that keeps any particular family, clan, or culture together through thick and thin.
So, throughout my somewhat solitary journey, and due to the simple fact that I’ve rarely had consistent or stable income, I’ve had to move a lot — not only for financial reasons or inborn nomadic tendencies, but because there are only so many options at a reasonable rent, and even fewer in recent years. A mortgage is simply a variation on a theme, with potentially far greater costs and risks involved, but that’s for another discussion. Real estate, for most, becomes a fiscal and lifestyle trap, not a path to freedom and wealth — just as “self-employment” and entrepreneurship, for many, become little more than another job, only with higher risks, longer hours, more stress, greater overhead, and more anxiety.
Living arrangements always require compromises and accommodations, perhaps the worst — at least for someone like me — being roommates. The other, perhaps equally important, is a noisy location near a busy road or neighborhood, or anything else that regularly disrupts my sleep (light pollution being a big one).
I don’t belong to any club, organization, church, or tribe, nor am I really close to any family. I don’t have a large family, which may have, at least in part, contributed to a bias toward solitude in my early years. I recall that when I was a kid, we did have semi-regular annual family gatherings, but that faded as the elder generation passed on and traditions were scattered to the winds of “getting ahead” and smaller and smaller reality bubbles — smaller and smaller families — that rarely intersected unless we lived close enough to even distant relatives. But it was also about needing silence and space to explore my thoughts and philosophical musings, creating and producing music, or simply having no interest whatsoever in small talk or filler conversations about nothing. I can only imagine how different things might have been had I been part of a larger group of siblings and cousins.
We’ve all felt these kinds of pressures in our own particular ways — from within the family circle, friendships, and other relationships, but perhaps even more so from the overwhelming yet unconscious messaging of culture and society. They’re not all bad, but, as the presenter discusses in the video, they’re aggressive, pervasive, controlling, intrusive, and disruptive in ways most of us are completely unaware of. It’s no small wonder why so many people live in a consistent state of quiet desperation. We’ve lived under the weighty cloak of impositions, the spell of consumerism, the vast overreach of capitalism, and the silent — though not so silent in recent years — tyranny of Western empire, with values, beliefs, and conditioning force-fed to us through innumerable inputs and information sources every second of every day.
We adopted a narrative, took on beliefs, and behaved in ways that were acceptable, tolerable, and expected by those whose opinions we perhaps mistakenly respected and, in the long run, took far too much guidance and direction from. Regardless, it defined the only framework we could have had up to that point. Eventually, however, a reckoning will come — always summoned from within. We’ve lived too long under the scrutiny of people who also had no idea what they were doing, deferring to their life experience before critically examining what they unconsciously complied with, believed in, or conformed to. We’ve perpetuated dysfunction, unhappiness, worry, fear, paranoia, pain, and suffering without question because that’s how life presented itself — and that’s what was “normal.”
A spirit that is agitated and restless will never allow us a moment’s peace until we face the music, look directly into the mirror, and admit to ourselves that we’ve been living some version of a lie — perhaps a very big one. Try as we might to drown it out with incessant media scrolling, YouTube, sports entertainment, TV show marathons, or fiction and even non-fiction reading and study, it’ll be there, just below the surface, slowly and inevitably coming to a boil. It’ll manifest in dramatic fashion if we try to push it away and suppress it with substances or ritual. Just as the body must detoxify and push out poisons, so, too, must our spirit. Our job is to facilitate the healing, not to hide from it and pretend all is well when it most certainly is not. That’s a recipe for neurosis and an eventual breakdown or violent crash.
To better understand why you want what you want, it’s important to realize that most of us live through mimetic desire — the imitation of others and what they want. It’s a foundational concept introduced by thinkers like René Girard. In a nutshell:
“All human desire imitates the desires of others, almost always without awareness. The term ‘mimetic’ indicates that this imitation is not conscious. Mimetic desire frees us from acting merely out of appetite or instinct and makes friendship and other forms of human flourishing possible. But it also leads to rivalry and is the primary cause of human violence.”
— Source
When you finally come to see and comprehend this uncomfortable truth, you can’t unsee it. This, too, is part of “awakening.” It’s not necessarily wrong — we essentially have no choice but to develop and mature through mimicking and modeling those who raise us and those we grow up around. But eventually, we must break away and come into our own. Even then, deeply seated and inculcated desires may persist for life. Again, awareness is key.
Parenting styles, of course, dramatically shape us within this reality-creating framework. And again, shame plays a central role. We’ll have many “a-ha” moments along the road, triggering both resentment and deeper reflection. We may never become aware of the dysfunction of those we relied upon until we’re exposed to alternative, contrary, or conflicting ideas, cultures, and social situations. This may come through books, films, TV shows, or even casual conversation, but I’d argue that it won’t truly stick until we acknowledge it, accept it, and move forward to apply it in our lives. Most would rather live vicariously through fictional characters and fantastical worlds than dare to introduce that kind of uncertainty into their on-the-ground experience.
Those who are unconsciously fearful, overly religious, or simply paranoid due to unrealized potential, unhealed trauma, or simple ignorance will be strongly inclined to limit our exposure to differing or contradictory values and belief systems. It’s up to you to decide whether that’s “good” or “bad,” given what you hope to glean from this one short life. No matter what, it will all end one day — and as you get older, that day seems to race toward you with increasing speed. All the while, untested beliefs, paradigms, conditions, and programs inhibit what could or should have been. Ultimately, no one will judge you for how you lived, except, perhaps, you.
Have you ever stopped for a moment to consider why do you want what you want — who you want, where you want to live, the objects you desire, the relationships you seek, the god you pray to, the quality and scale of the life you imagine? It might be easier not to, because doing so will unsettle, unnerve, agitate, and shake your identity to its core. Once again, death comes into the picture, as the identity we so passionately cling to is fragile at best, and to alter our circumstances means death to the old story.
To me, this is an essential step in anyone’s life. But for those beholden to a capitalistic mindset — achieving, acquiring, producing, contributing to the machine — it won’t sit well. It’s complicated. I know.
This isn’t a suggestion to shun material things, higher ideals, or even greater commercial or financial success. It’s about pursuing them wide awake, fully aware of what you’re doing and why. To taste the richness life has to offer, to tap the deepest source of the soul’s inclinations, to dare to be our beautifully unique selves, we may have to set aside the ideas and opinions of everyone else and become deeply uncomfortable with the notion that we are already enough — already complete, already whole and healthy by default.
When the noise of the world subsides, when the leaden weight of extrinsic narratives, messaging, values, and priorities lifts, our spirit may be free — if only for a moment — to rise into conscious space and allow us to hear that still, small voice that’s been routinely subdued.
We’re told every day that we live in a world of extremes, uncertainty, danger, and increasing volatility — and that something must be done about it. Nearly all of that is simply noise. Manufactured crises, one after another. Manufactured economic uncertainty by a predatory, parasitic class. Manufactured danger by rival factions of ancient family lines seeking to remake the known world in their image, regardless of human or ecological cost. Manufactured fear of death and what comes after — never mind that we’re all born broken, sinful, dirty, or deficient according to truly unspiritual, backward, inhumane, and inherently violent religions and half-baked spiritual belief systems.
Notice how shame weaves through all of this, and how unaware you may be of the subtle ways it informs your every decision and life choice. It’s there. It’s always been there. Do what you must to dispel it. It’s a lie — and a big one.
Belief is the enemy of knowing. Knowing — true gnosis — doesn’t require belief.
Stop relying on screens and social media feeds for information. Their purpose is to distract, enrage, or confuse you. Stop relying on technology to teach, direct, guide, inspire, educate, or program you. Their purpose is to dissuade independent and critical thought, to shape your worldview, and to control your mind. We’ve reached the point where nearly everything is driven by algorithms and non-human intelligence. It will collapse, because there is no genuinely “open market” when machines are talking primarily to other machines. Most internet traffic is bandwidth- and storage-wasting digital noise. The system has rapidly backed itself into a corner where catastrophic failure is virtually guaranteed, as many of us can now see through the incessant fakery that dominates both mainstream and “alternative” media. But that won’t stop the machine matrix from targeting and blaming us — the organic, peace-loving, life-seeking, truth-embodying, earth-sharing, community-building human.
“Smart” devices are misnamed. They’re numbing, dulling, stupefying, and psychologically and emotionally debilitating. You don’t need a damn robot to clean your floors, cameras everywhere watching everything and everyone, a half dozen information and entertainment screens in your vastly overpriced hybrid-crossover SUV that looks like every other car on the road, and you certainly don’t need biased, ideologically corrupted, paradigm enforcing, and aggressively curated sources such as Google — or ChatGPT, Grok, or Wikipedia — to tell you what to think and how to think.
Simply observe your own behavior for an hour. Try a full day, and you may surprise, even shock, yourself awake. Technology is a tool, not a can’t-live-without, utilitarian crutch as it’s being sold. News media is a force of narrative control, not a source of truth. Entertainment media conditions and normalizes anti-human, divisive, and demoralizing ideas, and propagandizes the past, present, and potential future.
Go visit other cultures — even within the borders of your own nation — and ignore the McDonald’s and Starbucks already waiting for you there. Learn other languages, deeply. Get lost so you can finally find yourself.
Break the pattern of shame so you can hear your real voice — your truer knowing.
Temet nosce