For a long time, I used to be calculating with how and when I would give or share my love, energy and attention. “What about my needs?” would inevitably creep in to my otherwise genuinely generous state of mind, degrading and demoting a caring presence into a transaction. “This is a one-way relationship…me to them. It’s all about them.” is another frequent scarcity-based belief, a condition, a program I’ve learned is not my own. I borrowed it at some point, and it has poisoned my process, my beingness, my authenticity in critical moments.
I’ve been single for more years in this life than I’ve been attached. There are probably a number of reasons. The unfortunate side-effect, however, is that I’ve not made many friends who are women; I’ve always found it difficult to be “just friends” with a woman, especially if they’re attractive to me. This, of course, is exacerbated by my perpetual bachelorhood. Yet, as ever, there’s a lesson in all of this.
You can’t wait around to start living your best, most inspired life. Waiting to start exercising or cleaning your house regularly, flossing your teeth, getting that PhD, or putting away a percentage of your income for something, invariably defers other things that you won’t think are related to — or connected with — both your ordinary and ambitious goals.
Living in a culture that is rife with trauma, we’re not too keen on experiencing more and different kinds of pain, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Thus, we’re too often in the frame of mind that reaches for the broad, soaked paintbrush that allows us to dismiss someone or something based on what may only be a minor trait or concern—perhaps because we were triggered by something that isn’t supposed to bother us anymore.