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Vasily Koloda - Unsplash

The Greater Sacrifice

The “freedom” I have had in this life to pursue the truths and broader metaphysics of this realm has come at a high price. But, in hindsight, I have paid it willingly, if not frustratingly, because the spiritual mission of my life’s intention overrides reason and common rationality when it comes to practical things such as tending to the routine of paying bills and attaining any semblance of self-reliance. I never got married and have been single for most of my life. I have no children. I own no property, nor do I really have any savings. I don’t think I’ve ever owned a vehicle that didn’t have the “check engine” light staring back at me. And yet, 48 years into this primarily solo journey of mine, this is how it is.

I’ve never been one to conform to the many aspects of our society that are, in my opinion, rather dysfunctional, delusional, and insane — hiding cleverly behind the guise of reason and logic. I’ve certainly tried to make a go of it, having had dozens of jobs and trying to get numerous businesses started and sustained. But those have all failed, faded, and gone by the wayside, one by one. I’ve been in love and also desperate for love and support, struggling and flailing about in an effort to communicate, connect, and foster a soulful meeting of hearts and minds. The path always leads back to me, delving with untamed curiosity and a nagging intuition into the search for something deeper, purer, and truer than that which had previously been explored, examined, accepted, or understood. Ultimately, it comes down to the simplest of realizations: knowledge is awakened from within, and Love is eternal. No amount of study, books, courses, podcasts, interviews, workshops, or seminars can teach us about that which can only ever be summoned and surfaced from the original source material, and that has little to nothing to do with the extrinsic and external to us.

My chosen path — the path seemingly of inbuilt loneliness, suffering, instability, and uncertainty that those of us who choose to seek the truth take — needs a conscious and consistent dissociation — and often direct contradiction — from that which is commonly accepted; in my view, that which is commonly accepted by the general population is based largely on gross and egregious manipulations in science, spirituality, and philosophy, subverting natural law while perpetuating adherence to what is little more than superstition amid mob rule and cult mindsets, or cyclical and predictable mass formation psychosis. This is exacerbated through widespread historical amnesia and the systemic inculcation of blind faith in established narratives and, therefore, blind ignorance. In other words, big truths are obscured and occulted, while big lies are told repeatedly over long periods of time. The inherent network effect of aggressive social programming, combined with sequestration of the real and the true, allows for these lies and cover stories to proliferate into infinitely smaller lies that spread throughout society, culture, the arts, education, industry, politics, and the greater market economy.

Put simply, it is wildly profitable and plainly beneficial for the few to keep the many confused, disoriented, and controlled, their real histories memory-holed, and their day-to-day lives subsumed by fantastic civilization-wide fiction.

And so, for me, the greater sacrifice would be to simply go along to get along. I will never be or do that in this life. I cannot. When I have compromised, subverted, or suppressed my morality, I’ve suffered and become increasingly cynical, weary, and a superficial, angry shadow of my better-knowing self. I’ve undoubtedly wasted years going down blind alleys and speeding around the same damn roundabouts. While my honesty and occasionally haphazard process of attaining wisdom have cost me friendships, relationships, and all manner of stress and anxiety in personal and professional dealings, my path is my path, and I can make no apologies for who and what I am. Perhaps you can relate. Perhaps not.

I am flawed and have an overriding purpose, but I can be fickle. I am passionate and can outwork anyone, but I can be lazy. I am empathic and considerate, but I can be utterly misanthropic. I see patterns and understand psychology, but I can be gullible and taken advantage of. I have a public persona and share plenty of strong opinions and controversial ideas, but I am happiest away from all the noise, offline, and in peaceful solitude. I live to learn, but I have yet to learn to really live.

And so it goes.

Solvitur ambulando

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