When we think about compatibility, we may think it’s about always getting along, or always being comfortable and easy with our partner. I don’t think that’s realistic. No relationship is a cure-all for our wounds and wantings.
And how shall we discern a partner who is compatible, if we cannot hold that space for ourselves? Relationships are an exercise in limitations and barriers and boundaries. This obviously includes the relationship we have with ourselves.
“Find a partner that is not afraid to grow.” This isn’t simply a childish or adolescent notion. Look around in the world, and you’ll see a society largely populated of children and adolescents, housed in the bodies of adults. Personal growth isn’t about quashing and dispelling our demons. It’s about exposing them to a sacred light and seeing what they’re truly made of; fact, fiction or otherwise? Do you seek pain out of habit, familiarity or addiction, or to understand and integrate its lesson? Do you push people away to protect yourself, to self-sabotage, or to continue suffering? Do you truly enjoy your own company, or seek endless distraction, novelty, escape or temporary solutions to your loneliness?
Ask yourself better questions. Love yourself enough not to settle for mediocre reasons and spineless rationale, and stop trying to convince yourself something or someone is what it or they are not. You are a creator being. Want only what is real.