There’s the dream
That’s been shadowed
By the rain
By the constant weight of fear
Do the echoes break my stride
There’s the dream
That’s been covered
By the skin
By the weightless swell of tears
Can you hear the crying shame?
The audio is a 2008 demo recording of “The Dream.” The lyrics were echoing in my mind this morning. It’s a song from my Fleshwound album that didn’t make the cut . One day I’ll revisit it to make it the song it can and should be. It’ll most likely be on the re-release of that album.
I was reminded of the constant struggle I’ve had in this lifetime simply by being myself. Sure, I can rely on the quirks and eccentricities of my birth sign, as well as all the predictable and remarkably accurate aspects described therein, but that’s just the beginning, not the end. These are facts about myself that I am aware of. And knowing something should, one would think, empower one to pursue a life in earnest while accepting those ideas, rather than one in which they are used more frequently as self-sabotage behavior and limiting beliefs.
As the twelfth and last sign of the zodiac, Pisces contains within itself a little experience of all the signs. This gives Pisces Suns the ability to identify with people from all walks of life — from all backgrounds — in some way. These individuals are not only changeable and adaptable, they have open minds and tremendous understanding. But Pisces itself is often misunderstood. Pisces Suns may spend a good portion of their lives yearning for understanding, and the other part in a state of divine discontent. Suffering is sometimes glamorized in the Piscean world.
Sun in Pisces people are frequently pegged as wishy-washy, but this is all a matter of opinion. What you will find behind a vaguely directionless, spacey manner is a deep person with real dreams. Their dreams are more than getting that picket fence or making it up the corporate ladder. Pisces are tuned in to a higher purpose, and their dreams transcend the individual. A deep love for humanity and compassion that knows no bounds are found with this placement of the Sun.
I’ve written about the ideas of self-sabotage and limiting beliefs many times in this journal. So it seems hypocritical, really, that I have yet to master taking my own medicine, so to speak. But that’s life. That’s why we should endeavor to read literature from a variety of genres and sources, to taste every kind of food, feel every kind of love, to get to know all kinds of different people from all walks of life, to visit many countries, and to learn other languages — and even how to think in other languages. That’s why I write. As much as these articles and essays are composed and offered freely for anyone who may come across them to learn from, to challenge their beliefs, and perhaps even to find some healing, they are first and foremost notes to self and have certainly served me in different ways over the years.
For example, when I go back to update or revise (or delete) old posts, I see, read, and critique them with new eyes, from a seasoned and matured perspective. I’m no longer in the headspace of the original stream of consciousness that was coded into words at that generative moment, edited perhaps dozens of times, and then published… and edited some more. As I am invited to integrate and uplevel my self-awareness, I am reminded, rewarded, and refreshed.
In terms of the dream, I’ve tried on occasion to let grand ideas and goals fade. These ideas and motivations have been tested over time, and they have had to evolve and adapt as my perspectives and perceptions have changed. I’ve tried to let them go completely, to let the old stories die, but remnants remain, and life keeps reminding me that I once had a burning desire to make certain things happen, to effect some desperately needed change in the world, to enliven, awaken, and uplift the human collective.
This was, and perhaps is, youthful vanity and arrogance, but these stories and motivations will never be entirely quashed nor suppressed within me. I will always care about my fellow human beings and will never abide by the lies, distortions, and fabrications that cause us unnecessary suffering and pain. But knowing what I now know, there have been and will always be worldly concerns and issues to write about, difficult and controversial ideas and concepts to expound upon, in order to explore and expose what is real and true and to shine a light into the ever-creeping, yet ultimately futile, darkness.
Good always wins. Truth always prevails. These things are self-evident, though our reality construct routinely finds ways to obscure, obstruct, and obfuscate the veritable and the verifiable.
This is our task, collectively, and this is my mission and purpose, personally: to be real, authentic, and yet ever-faltering, but through every failure and inevitable two-steps-back, to keep walking until I can walk no more.