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Deferring the Ideal Self

You can’t wait around to start living your best, most inspired life. Waiting to start exercising or cleaning your house regularly, flossing your teeth, getting that PhD, or putting away a percentage of your income for something, invariably defers other things that you won’t think are related to — or connected with — both your ordinary and ambitious goals.

How you do anything, is how you do everything. Take a good look at your life and you’ll see just how true this statement is.

What you don’t practice on a regular basis — or as a habit — can’t immediately be introduced nor adopted as such, should certain of your conscious or unconscious conditions suddenly be met (it’s the old if/then paradox). You’ll find yourself scrambling or quickly overwhelmed, regretting not having begun in earnest that practice sooner. In fact, avoiding the implementation of these “ideal” or “better” aspects of what you’d consider your preferred circumstances creates the magnetic space for otherwise “bad” habits to set in and make a subtle menace of your momentum.

For some, this might be an issue that’s rather close to the heart; maybe you’re in some way awaiting the serendipitous arrival of your beloved, so the two of you can (finally start to) build a life together. It’s idealistic, and romantic, but perhaps little more than a Hollywood-infused recipe for anxiety and disappointment. They may suddenly appear, but imagine what the sudden rush of blood to your head, induced by the sudden realization of “Oh, shit! I’m not ready…” would feel like. You’re going to be knocked off-balance, possibly even into a panic, or making important decisions for the wrong reasons. It happens. You’ll be OK. Learn from it, regardless.

There’s a principle, or general rule, when it comes to living and leading (a critical distinction) a fulfilling life. It goes something like, “This is my life. Who wants to join me?” The idea is, of course, that you are fully engaged with and pursuing your interests; training in things you’re keen to learn or to master, challenging yourself to really dive in and accomplish those goals and dreams; you’re eating right and taking care of your health as best you can. In this way, should someone compatible show up, you’re in a much more authentic, lucid, present (and perhaps open, willing and curious) state of mind; your decision is based on a clarity — an essential honesty with yourself — rather than on neediness based on fear, lack or scarcity, and a wish for someone to fill a vast hole in your life.

It’s a lot more likely to develop and emerge in mutually beneficent ways when you’re “in the zone”, as it were; you’ll be generating a healthier vibe, embodying a higher energy level, and increasing your odds of attracting an ideal match to who you are now. This, naturally, has the added effect of improving your capacity for discernment and emotional intelligence.

There is no tomorrow. Life doesn’t really happen in a linear way. Yesterday’s choices are today’s habits and manifestations. Tomorrow’s wishes are very much the same; livable only in the immediacy of now. The choice to defer or delay something based on illusions and fictitious potentialities is a disservice to you in the present — unless you thrive on a certain level of ambiguity and drama. It may work on stage or on screen, but in real life, not so much.

Solvitur ambulando