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Deferring the Ideal Self

Audio Version

You cannot wait to start living your best, most inspired life. Waiting to start exercising or cleaning your house on a regular basis, flossing your teeth, pursuing that PhD, or setting aside a percentage of your income for something, invariably defers other things that you will not believe are related to — or connected to — both your ordinary and ambitious goals.

How you do anything is how you do everything. Take a look at your life and you’ll realize how true this statement is.

What you don’t do on a regular basis — or as a habit — cannot be immediately adopted as such if certain conscious or unconscious conditions are suddenly met (it’s the old if/then paradox). You will find yourself scrambling or quickly overwhelmed, regretting not starting that practice sooner. In fact, avoiding the implementation of these ideal or better aspects of your preferred circumstances creates a magnetic space for otherwise bad habits to take hold and threaten your momentum.

For some, this may be a very personal issue; perhaps you’re looking forward to the serendipitous arrival of your beloved so that the two of you can finally begin to build a life together. It’s idealistic and romantic, but it may be little more than a Hollywood-inspired recipe for anxiety and disappointment. They may appear unexpectedly, but imagine what the rush of blood to your head caused by the sudden realization, “Oh, shit! I’m not ready…” will feel like. You’ll be thrown off-balance, possibly into a panic, or make important decisions for the wrong reasons. It happens. You will be fine. Whatever happens, you can learn from it.

There is a principle, or general rule, for living and leading (a critical distinction) a fulfilling life. It says something like, “This is my life. Who wants to join me?” The idea is, of course, that you are fully engaged in and pursuing your interests; training in things you want to learn or master; challenging yourself to really dive in and achieve those goals and dreams; eating well; and taking care of your health as best you can. In this way, if someone compatible shows up, you’re in a much more authentic, lucid, present (and perhaps open, willing, and curious) state of mind; your decision is based on clarity — an essential honesty with yourself — rather than neediness based on fear, lack, or scarcity and a desire for someone to fill a vast hole in your life.

When you’re in the zone, you generate a healthier vibe, have more energy, and are more likely to attract an ideal match. This naturally enhances your discernment and emotional intelligence.

There’s no tomorrow. Life does not happen in a linear fashion. Today’s habits and manifestations stem from yesterday’s choices. Tomorrow’s wishes are very similar—they can only be fulfilled in the present. Deferring or delaying something based on illusions and fictitious potentialities is a disservice to you in the present, unless you enjoy ambiguity and drama. It may be effective on stage or screen, but not in real life.

Solvitur ambulando