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Mohamed Nohassi - Unsplash

Arise from the Ashes: On Healing and Renewal

Audio Version (music by Sergii Pavkin)

I used to think I would never be worthy of a worthy partner in life unless I made something of myself. Though I know where that came from, I’m still not entirely sure what it means. These tenacious weeds are something we all have in our gardens, don’t we? What I do know is that it is not only a story but also a spiritual and emotional prison, never mind a self-imposed penance for an imagined crime. Though it takes time for the scars of shame to fade, I’m grateful that awareness has engendered the slow but cumulative healing process.

We overlook the bigger picture when we live by these egoistic, self-proclaimed, and self-perpetuating mission statements. The measure of success or worthiness is entirely subjective and ambiguous. We can move our own goal posts repeatedly because the underlying condition may never be met. Internally, a tremendous strain results from the heaviness and never-ending conflict, a pressure that commonly manifests in cycles of depression, as well as apathy, indecisiveness, frustration, and, of course, anxiety. Naturally, it affects all aspects of our daily lives, not that we are aware of it. Sooner or later, we will have to confront the discontinuity and deception we have created within ourselves.

I am convinced that the jealous, the angry, the bitter and the egotistical are the first to race to the top of mountains. A confident person enjoys the journey, the people they meet along the way and sees life not as a competition. They reach the summit last because they know God isn’t at the top waiting for them. He is down below helping his followers to understand that the view is glorious where ever you stand.

― Shannon Alder

We live in a culture that honors heroes, champions, those who make great sacrifices, and the victorious. However, we also perpetuate the notoriety of villains, narcissists, psychopaths, and the extremely violent and vicious. I believe that as a consequence, we unconsciously internalize this polarization, leaving vast expanses of vacuous space in our psyche for any number of bad seeds to take root.

Matt Howard – Unsplash

When we do finally make that perilous journey back to the center, our intrinsic, infallible truth casts a blinding light on everything we’ve been attempting to conceal. Guilt, shame, and self-reproach amplify our most vulnerable places, shaking us to our core. But this is precisely what we must do in order to tap the original source, to hear again that still small voice that exists beyond the layers of programs and conditions foisted upon us by simply pursuing our best guesses in this life.

Should we be in a relationship during this period of spiritual revolution, it will be evident that the force behind the upheaval spares no one. It is energy that exists outside of time and consideration of our schedule or convenience. Sometimes we’re fortunate to have someone who is engaging the process at the same time and sees things the in same way. They may be as terrified as we are, but their knowing smile is equally wicked. These are blessed, beautiful synchronicities granted to the brave, awake, and aware, and may certainly accelerate our purification and transformation. Two hearts aligned only intensify the flames.

It may resolve and lead us to a partnership (or the renewal of one). If so, it will be of a higher vibration and enlightened expression, more attuned and pure than any coupling that could have existed previously. So we must remember that everything has a natural timing, and our strongest desires do not necessarily dictate our lived experience.

Taylor Murphy – Unsplash

Too often, when we look at fire, we only see destruction. I’ve always seen it as a natural, unapologetic state of renewal, an endless recycling of energies, and structural reformation. In our frequently bumbling fashion, we tend to get in the way in an attempt to bend it to our will. There’s no way that will ever happen. In nature, once a forest fire has passed, flora and fauna immediately engage and embrace the newness with uncompromising resolve, and a knowing beyond words.

Life is neither static nor stagnant. It is forever done, and undone, finished, and unfinished. But the Light never fades.

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Love your life.

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