I think it is exceedingly rare these days that we take the time to truly get to know how someone wants to be loved; how they prefer to be treated, acknowledged, left alone or kept company; how they would be better heard, understood, and validated; how they want to be touched and embraced, or how they’ll be open to it when they feel safe.
Instead, because of the harried nature of the chaotic and restless day-to-day, the cumulative effects of which we are scarcely aware, we’ll default to basic functionality and only superficial satisfaction and satiety of the needs of our loved ones.
Not only are our insecurities frequently dictating the attitude and energy of a relational dynamic, but the foundation of the partnership suffers the corrosive apathy of impatience, intolerance, and repeated miscommunication.
He’ll deflect, she’ll run and hide. She’ll attack, he’ll shut down. He’ll project, she’ll defend. On and on, ’round and ’round.
There are emotional risks and challenges to deep connection, trust, intimacy and love. The truer substance is in the details, revealed by being fully present, being authentic, naked, genuine, honest and feeling truly free to be who we are… especially with our beloved.
It takes time. Sometimes the more we’ve dared greatly and failed, and the more we’ve uprooted the deepest of traumas, the more time it may take to sit into that new seat of the soul — and the lightness only comes with letting go.
I would wager the truest of partners show up serendipitously and in alignment with who we’re ready to be, for us, and for them.
Look again. Listen closer. Feel into the space between.
Trust the flow.