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it’s funny how life keeps us shifting and twisting and questioning and breaking the mould. the more we awaken and become aware, the faster it comes.

when you decide to be a conscious observer, activist, teacher, wayshower, awakener, or leader in whatever field invites and excites you, you essentially dive into the fire.

no true leader of any genuine capacity can offer anything catalytic from a position of superficiality, inflexibility, or self-proclaimed infallibility. we are all messy, and if we authentically wish to help, heal, enlighten or inspire, the true and connected part of us will not allow us to skate by.

we will suffer our own bullshit, until we graduate and integrate the essence of what is causing resistance, no matter how long we try to defer or ignore it.

as a child, most things came easily to me. i enjoyed reading before kindergarten. i was in the top ten percent of classes, without any real effort. i was reliable, trustworthy, the good student, the helpful grandson, the responsible sibling, etc.

gradually, this became a problem, and an unfortunate impediment of sorts. granted, much of these traits seem to accompany an old soul’s path, but others twist reality and cripple us in unconscious ways.

i have never been afraid of hard work. i can bleed and sweat and power through with the best of them. i love learning new things, using my hands to build stuff, creatively solving problems, and applying hard-earned skills… to a point.

the problem with being “gifted” or “a natural” is you tend to shy away from your core goals or dreams and real risks. you don’t want to lose your position on the mantle, or pedestal.

it’s a bit of a simplification, but, for me, it informs and explains certain aspects of why and how we end up in these perpetual inner wars. conflicting values and opposing objectives hide in plain sight, yet we don blinders unconsciously to avoid (perceived) pain.

then, we project or subject our friends, family and reality to this dysfunctional perspective.

we can kill ourselves for someone else’s business, challenge, project or dream;

we can lose ourselves in a doomed relationship;

we can sacrifice our time, energy, body and mind because of our children – rather than striving to live our truth FOR them – all to compensate for the gaping void of unfulfilled notions and aspirations eating away at us from the inside out.

classic martyrdom.

but life will meet us when and where we’re ready to shift. change is inevitable, yet the difference lies between proficiency and actual growth. we can get very good at fifty shades of the same problem. we progress when we dare to start on a fresh canvas.

if you’re always watching the same kind of shows and films, reading the same genre of books, debating about the same issues, and the myriad ways we can spin our wheels, it’s time to question it. step off the merry-go-round and let the dizziness subside.

you’re not the same person you were two heartbeats, two summers, or two decades ago. you’re not just what the parent, teacher, mentor, priest, ex-lover, spouse or best friend has envisioned for you. you are more.

you know what you’re capable of. you also have no idea what you’re capable of.

elevate. the world needs your courage, your daring, your authenticity, vulnerability and real you.

solvitur ambulando

© 2017 Trance Blackman

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Published in Journal Entries