Vulnerability is a tricky thing.
We live in a society that has many convoluted ideas about what strength is, what power is, what courage is. We live in a society that thrives (well, subsists) on base function and emotional bargaining, manipulation, and underdevelopment.
So, vulnerability, as an adult, is a tricky thing.
I’m terrified that if i show the real me, all of me — insecurities, desires, weirdness, wounds, warts and all — that i’ll be disappointing to someone like you. Please allow me to shutdown, hide, or act otherwise alien in your presence. I really like you, dammit. Don’t you see that? . . . Where are you going?
We want to feel sure in ourselves, we want to put up a strong front, to appear solid, balanced, with it and available. We tend to equate vulnerability as weakness. There’s the trick of it. The preconceived notions about what relationships should be and how we want others to experience us creates a cloud of noise that doesn’t help when shit hits the fan. Truth and true character always reveal themselves, whether we practice subduing, suppressing, editing and attempting to covertly hide them behind guilt, shame, anger, blame, and all those coping mechanisms. Left unchecked, they become physical and mental health problems.
Pain is pain. Many of us had to grow and live through varying forms of it, with the unfortunate side-effect of leaving a deep part of us lacking — especially in love. It manifests as a broken attempt at being an adult, as we fumble and bump into each other at all levels of society.
Back off, asshole. I hate myself. Why can’t you love me?
So, vulnerability . . . is important.
We are waking up, truly. We’re in a safer place than ever when it comes to exploring the yin/yang of it all, the masculine/feminine, the black/white, the right/wrong. Look around. Observe how movements, riots, law reform, truth exposure, disclosure, and the information age provide us an energy and momentum to break down ridiculous paradigms and step into a new dance. The need to control has always been a fallacy, and now, more than ever, as a species we’re moving through the solar plexus into the heart center, as it were, integrating all that has come before, shedding the shadows through acceptance, allowing the space for grand intentions to unfold and take hold.
Newsflash: we are all battling the same damn things. Don’t ever think you’re alone.
Vulnerability: capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon.
We’ve been hurt. Maybe badly. We don’t want to be hurt again. That sucked something fierce. So, do we isolate, retreat, hibernate, stop taking risks, and just maintain a basic functioning version of ourselves? It can serve us for the short term, but life barrels along. Life still happens. Living as a shadow of ourselves will constantly reaffirm itself as a shortness of breath, a lack of substance, sterility of spirit, nonexistent vitality, and heartbreaking lack of motivation — especially in pursuing what excites us, what fulfills us.
Actual weapons of mass destruction (disruption) have always been ideas; fear-based ideas, and massive lies. The boys clubs of the past (government, religion, military, secret societies, spy agencies, bankers, moguls) can’t unravel quickly enough. There’s such a glut of utter nonsense at the highest levels, and special interests who would love to maintain a stronghold, but it won’t fly anymore. As the rest of us come into our real power, through a deeper, heart-centered intelligence, the wave grows. Love knows. We know. We feel it. We embrace it, and we are the face of it.
Start within. Rekindle the flame. Face the truth of who you are and what you might pretend to be. Reconnect with the true source of you, and your unique story. Whatever arises, love that, as Matt Kahn would say. It’s time.
Vulnerability, is the key.
Love your life,
tb